Chapters of Coco

I'm 29 I should have figured something out right? When I got into a relationship I thought 'Right this is what was meant to happen'.. I feel some sort of stability..work became somewhat bareable, I didn't get the itch to change my career, go travel some more or meet new people. These were the things that used to make me happy.  I felt at home with him. Finally I felt I belonged. When this changed, I didn't just grieve the relationship, I grieved the twisted reality of belonging somewhere with someone. But in hindsight, with someone that never made me feel wanted in the first place. Now I'm here, after 6 months of drowning in self hate, confusion and sadness. I want to continue with my life but where was I even going before this little blip? I was travelling, working different jobs that were great but only for a little while. Now I'm in a job I have no intention of staying in but no clue on where to go?  I don't want the whole "I need to reinvent mys...

 The reason I've titled this post "Still here" is because whenever anything dramatic happens or something goes wrong, I'm always humbled by the fact that life just simply goes on..  I'm still going into work at 7 o'clock, just this time im wiping away tears before sitting down at my desk. I'm still making sure I brush my teeth before bed but wondering whether life in New Zealand would have been a better decision than choosing to stay in the UK for a relationship. I'm still messaging my family asking about their days, fighting the urge to say that I'm heart broken and life is so unfair. I left my partner and had to move out of the home we both shared. Now every beautiful memory I had of our life together has been clouded by cheating and despair. I thought our relationship was ending because he didnt love me anymore, that I did something wrong. I blamed myself for asking too much from him. I mean... Its never 50/50 is it? Some days one loves the othe...